On rare occasions, I smoke marijuana to enhance my meditation, to journey to another state of consciousness, and last night I did just that.
First and foremost, it was a wonderful experience.
I smoked it before going to bed so that I could just go straight to sleep after my trip/meditation.
[Before smoking the joint I held it to my heart and intentionally asked the spirit of Marijuana to guide, teach or help me in whatever way he wanted to.]
As I was getting undressed and climbing into bed, I felt like a child again. I walked around the room, mindful of how each foot touched the floor. Moving steadily, with carefulness, with a playful delicacy. Giggling effortlessly.
I was half sat in my bed. Naturally I closed my eyes – when sober I can feel my ‘energy’ in my body, my electromagnetic field I think is a better word, – at this point, it felt like the room was spinning. Now I know that this feeling is caused by my chakras spinning. My third eye and crown chakras to be specific. I focused on these points and stabilised them, all I had to do was intend for this.
Now this is difficult to explain, as soon as I was in tune with all of my chakras, my state changed. It was like the external world no longer existed. I was in my inner world completely. I don’t think I could possibly describe this feeling adequately. I no longer had arms or legs, or a head or toes. I was a pod of energy, bigger and more expansive. I was Bliss.
I was listening to music, so I instructed for my cells, every single one, to dance with the music. It was marvelous.
You’ve seen a circuit board, yes?
Well I could see and feel, as if I had sent my vision further down into the pod, my circuit. For instance, we all have veins running through our entire body don’t we, instead of seeing veins I saw electrical blue channels, almost mimicking the electrical connections seen on a circuit board.
I felt through my entire ‘body’, and I was drawn to 2 places that felt pain. I have struggled with pains in these 2 areas for a long time. In the past it used to be really bad, to the point where I believed that I had done permanent damage with alcohol. These days I barely notice it, which is great as the pain has subdued masses amount along-side the Self work that I do.
One point in particular took my attention more so, a point in my liver, which aligns with the Solar Plexus.
I recognised it as a blockage of energy, I could see a ball of dense matter there. My intention was to unblock it, however I didn’t intend how I would do it. Suddenly I saw U shapes coming from my left and right, they were electric blue and dazzling white. They held such power. The U shapes entered the dense matter simultaneously and created an explosion that purified the dense matter. This happened over and over again until the pain had subsided, energy rippling through my body, I could feel the currents, causing noticeable external movement in my body.
Then, past dreams began to take up my vision. I have wondered for a long time now why I keep dreaming of the same places. I knew the same places kept coming up for a reason, I just didn’t know why. In fact it scared me, because I’ve read and fully believe that we dream of the places of where a part of our soul departed. I’ve been afraid to face what memories I may have been repressing.
However, a part of me has believed that I’ve faced all my demons (I was completely lying to myself, it’s hard to admit that there is something ‘wrong’ that needs facing). I thought maybe my mind didn’t know what else to conjure up so I just kept dreaming of the same places. Even though I’m always being chased in these places…
Anywho, you’ll never guess what. As soon as I started to focus on a particular place that I dream of whilst on this trip, a repressed memory came to the surface.
It is also important to note that when this repressed memory surfaced, I saw, where in my ‘heart circuit’ where it was causing further blockage.
On the outside it might not seem like a big deal, but if you know me, you’ll know I’m incredibly sensitive, emotionally and physically.
One of these dream places is my primary school. I saw myself stood outside of the doors that opened to the back of the school, next to the changing rooms. I was in Year 5 and a new girl had recently started in Year 6. One of the first friends she made was my step sister at the time. I had known my step sister since I was 2, she was one of my closest friends. The new girl started bullying me, and I expected my step sister to stand up for me, but rather, she joined in.
I have had flash back memories recently of me being in the playground feeling alone and friendless. But I couldn’t understand why. See, I could only remember the friends I’d had, all the different games I had played. Feeling friendless and alone didn’t make sense to me.
But now it does.
I’m actually relieved to have remembered this. So much of my life makes sense now.
The event, my emotions, have been locked up within me, emitting energy, a frequency, inviting similar events into my life.
The more it has happened to me, the stronger the blockage has become. The more pain I have felt. The more I have believed that people won’t accept me for who I am. The more alienated I have felt.
I hope that now I am aware of this, it will no longer control my life.
I hope that now I am aware of this, I can let go of my belief that people won’t accept me.
I hope that now I am aware of this, I can begin to trust people again, to really trust them.
To realise and to integrate that there isn’t anything wrong with me just because a human doesn’t understand me.
If I am to truly be myself around all people, I really need to let go of this limiting and harmful belief.
I cannot let the fear of not being liked interfere with me being, Being, my true and wonderful self.