Healing · Storytelling · Trauma

Discovering Who We Are

‘I would rather feel alive with a child-like soul’ is from AURORA‘s song ‘Through The Eyes of a Child’.
It holds such significance for me.
It feels wonderful to have an artist who is becoming popular who promotes this way of Being.
My true self, the self that wants to predominate, is incredibly child-like. Often I have struggled with this because this self isn’t cool and collected. I’ll feel free and wild and innocent, one of nature’s own, one with the moss and roots and running water. I don’t necessarily feel cool or sexy. And it is painful because cool and sexy is what I mostly see all around me.
I still often find myself unconsciously molding myself to fit with how everyone else is being. I’m afraid that my child-like qualities will be perceived as annoying. That my child-like curiosity, playfulness, silliness, vulnerability and softness will be perceived as immature.
I know that it’s down to me to feel comfortable in my own skin.
So I’ve been working playfully hard on loving myself.
And my inhibitions are eventually, melting away.
I used to sing all of the time when I was younger. I used to be a part of choirs, and I had singing lessons. And I loved it so much. Over the recent years whenever I have sang my throat has felt strained. Rather than letting go and enjoying the act I’ll intensely scrutinise myself. Trying to shape my voice into something. Something that wasn’t quite me.
Reading through self-development literature I have come across statements that tell us we can be whoever we want. That we can change who we are. But this all feels very forceful. Very rigid. And I have tried this approach. Maybe it works for you, but it doesn’t feel free enough for me.
I feel that it is about discovering who we are.
I had the fortune of stumbling across a singing video that taught how to find your natural voice. And I was amazed at how my natural voice sounded.
Whenever I would slip back into trying to control my voice to how I THOUGHT it should sound, or how I thought others would prefer it, I could feel the strain on my throat.
I can still feel the seduction of trying to mold myself into someone else. I think this comes from a place still void of self-love that I need to attend to.
Discovering oneself means working through trauma. Under the trauma is a feeling of well-being. A deeply blissful feeling of well-being. A gratitude so potent. A love so encompassing. The true you. And if you stay there long enough, your actions will form and give birth naturally, without any fear or self-inflicted restrictions which only cease and disrupt your natural flow.
I believe that all people once they are gracefully flying in their natural flow have child-like qualities.

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