It was my promise to write something new at the beginning of every month. It is now the 19th of March with no new post.
Currently, my mind is feeling rather blown. I have continued on my journey to wholeness. And it has taken me by surprise. I have come to learn that sexuality plays such a significant part in this. I want to write about the ways in which it has been significant and transformative for me, but something is holding me back.
I’m afraid of what people will think. I’m afraid that people’s views of me will change. I’m afraid they will expect me to be different. I am afraid that I am not strong enough, that I still do not yet know how to set proper boundaries for myself. I’m afraid to post anything at all because it feels so long now since I shared so openly with my writing.
I have mentioned in the past that when I first began to write, it’s as though there was no choice to make. No fear to conquer. It was a necessary action I needed to take, in order to take that step towards healing. Although at that time I was unaware of this.
I also feel held back by the sheer amount of thoughts and experiences and insights that I have on this topic. There are so many different avenues I could take. When I go into it, I feel that I am in space, it is a velvety midnight blue. I am in the center, and swarms of ‘stuff’, of images and feelings and ideas and information, circles bewilderingly around me.
As Charles Eisenstein would say, I think I may be in a space between stories.
All of this ‘stuff’ within me is not yet ready to be born. But it is bubbling and brewing. It feels juicy and exciting.
I shall continue to follow the currents.
Whatever is going on in your life, remember to look after yourself. Remember to practice radical self-honesty. Remember, a lack of integrity damages YOU the most. But most importantly, remember to stay centered in your own body. Your joy depends on it.
I sense that once I have mastered how to stay centered in my own body, creations will be pouring out of me.